I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Alive.
So much puke
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
