I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
