I think I died a long time ago.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
