Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
