the condom got lost in my hair
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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