I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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