I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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