I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
