The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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