He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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