bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she woke up with a sticky ear
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
