You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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