So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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