she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
