i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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