walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
