That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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