I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
