Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
