In the future we'll all be gay
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
