...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
