nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
