also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
