I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
