I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
