The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
