What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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