my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
