THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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