if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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