the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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