oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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