I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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