Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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