And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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