She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They took my balls.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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