Sponge bath it is.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
