Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
