My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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