I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
