Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
