1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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