If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
