a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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