Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Boobs are out for the taking
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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