In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they need to just BURY HIM!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
