Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
