Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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