I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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