omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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