so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
