I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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